Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Archive for April, 2012

Blogging on hold while I battle against my skeletal 6 stone frame

There are times in life when everything just gets too much. I’ve had a very stressful year, an uncle that lost a long battle with cancer, father with ill health, and trying to support a friend that has been going through severe depression. I’ve read articles where scientists claim that long-term stress can play havoc with your immune system and make you ill – I’m inclined to agree. While most people eat when they’re stressed, I’m the complete opposite. The last year has been somewhat of a blur, but looking back, I wish I’d done things differently, then I wouldn’t be in the situation that I’m in now. I worked, then studied for hours on end, getting little more than a few hours sleep, hoping that it would distract me from worrying. Already naturally slim, I just started losing weight. I went from a size 6 to finding a size 4 was too baggy on me. My bones started sticking out. The signs of stress were there, but I didn’t realise I had a problem until people started to ask whether I was ok, and when colleagues were looking at old photos of our xmas parties concerned with how much weight I’d lost.

There are ways of coping with stress, but it’s hard to  completely ‘switch off’. I tried exercising but my doctor told me to hold off on major calorie burning until I built up my strength, I was just undoing all the good work of trying to recover the lost weight. It’s frustrating, I’m still dangerously underweight despite increasing my calorie intake, it seems that nothing is helping. I don’t have much of an appetite but I force myself to eat, because I want to get better.

I’m still struggling to get well again, all I want to do is sleep, I don’t have any energy, I know it’s going to take time and patience, especially as people keep saying that I still look seriously ill. Realising that I have a problem and admitting that I need help was a positive step in the right direction, and friends have been wonderful, I like to isolate myself and deal with things on my own, but I know I have their support when I need it. An ex-colleague of mine, Emma, was soo lovely, encouraging me to go out and sending me supportive texts to see how I am. I often wonder why anyone would want to look gaunt out of choice, I’d just love to be a healthy weight…