Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

The perfect gentleman

One of the qualities I appreciate the most is kindness, very rarily have I come across a man that writes in a way that I do – open, honest, thoughtful… I met this guy called Stephen about two years ago, we went out on just one date, and shortly after I became ill through stress and I wasn’t in the right place to continue dating. I often think I missed out on a great opportunity. His email that he sent when I was ill always makes me smile, this is the sweetest thing I’ve ever received – his girlfriend is a lucky woman 🙂

Dear Abi,

I just wanted to write you a little note to wish you and your father well. It has been a while since we were last in touch, I know, but I do often think of how you are doing, and hope that your father has been feeling better.

My life has been getting better, bit by bit.  I have a lot more music students now, and have also been doing some writing and copyediting work to keep busy.  I am staying away from the Middle East as it was depressing me, and away from London as I increasingly felt the shallowness and emptiness of so many relationships and lives there–and life is too short not to seek one’s happiness.  I have plenty to do here, and a life to build.  That’s enough.

I really liked meeting you and had hoped to meet up again and get to know you and perhaps your family, but it never seemed to me like your heart was in it, and I didn’t want to feel bad or unwanted anymore– and as you are also eager to have a family, I didn’t want to waste your time further.  In any case, I met someone last month, a professional photographer, who is quite nice– and she has two lovely children with whom I get along very well. They are very sweet and ask me lots of science and music questions, and we all spend a lot of time together in the country, so I am quite happy 🙂  If I can’t have my own children, I am happy to build a family around someone else, if there is love and kindness there.  That’s what matters the most.

Again, I just wanted to say that I am wishing you both well, and hope very much that you will find the happiness and the family you seek.

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7 Comments»

  stephinthescreentime wrote @

Sounds like such a good guy!

  kensingtonabida wrote @

I know, I can’t believe I let him slip through my fingers! I’ve never met anyone that genuinely nice before don’t think I ever will, a real rare gem of a guy.

  stephinthescreentime wrote @

The timing just wasn’t right. I’m sure you will meet another great guy again.;)

  kensingtonabida wrote @

That’s a really sweet comment, thanks Steph x

  Haris wrote @

One can feel honesty gushing out of that email. No pretense. Bare and truthful. That sure is rare.

One thing I couldn’t help but notice is his remark about London – “the shallowness and emptiness of so many relationships and lives there”. I haven’t been to London all that much to make an observation, but generally that remark is quite true for a lot of ‘first-world’ countries. On the flip side, not too long ago, I went to my village. I was so taken by the simplicity and serenity of life in that ‘backward’ area, that all this technological advancement looks shallow.

  kensingtonabida wrote @

Hi Haris,

Yes, his words conveyed such sincerity that it really touched me – to come across someone that can do that is very rare indeed. It’s certainly true that London can be somewhat souless at times, people have less interest in the simple things in life, quantity rather than a good quality relationship seems to be of more importance sadly. The more we have in life, the less satisfied we become…

  Haris wrote @

“The more we have in life, the less satisfied we become…”

We, as 21st century human beings, are climbing the wrong walls; the walls built around money, career, ‘success’, nosejobs and retirement funds. More often than not, it comes at the cost of family, friends and personal growth.

The irony is that everybody knows it but nobody wants to do anything about it.


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