Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

IVF or Adoption


Recently, a woman that I met through work told me that she was going through IVF for the second time. The first resulted in her two year old son, but she openly disclosed that both the first and now her second attempt used an anonymous donor. I was a little taken aback, it’s not the usual topic of conversation you have when you first meet with someone. Her son was gorgeous, and she said that her reasons was that she left it too late to conceive children naturally, so in her forties and single with a successful career behind her, she thought IVF was her only option.  I admired her decision to go it alone, especially the whole pregnancy experience, but I’m not sure whether I’d be inclined to follow suit if I got to that age and hadn’t conceived naturally. The thought of an anonymous donor is particularly off putting.

I love children, so the thought that I might not meet someone I want to have them with has crossed my mind on occasion. However, I know if I ever got to that stage in my life, I would most likely adopt. After watching a documentary on adoption months ago, it made me think of how wonderful a gift it would be to give someone a chance of a good life. I was really taken by this one young boy, he was about eight, and he was stuck in this foster home, as most people that adopt have a preference for babies and toddlers, as they perceive that older children would most likely have behavioural issues. This young boy was really disheartened that his chance never came, you could see it in his eyes. Tears were rolling down my face, I found it really emotional. I just wanted to hug him and if I’d won the lottery, I would have adopted him there and then. It would make no difference to me that he’s White and I’m Asian, to me he was just a really nice kid that deserved a chance of a loving family. Sadly there was no happy ending to the documentary, and I often think about whether he managed to get adopted, I really hope so.

For me, I know I have a lot of love in my heart to give whether or not I have children biologically is irrelevant.


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