Lately, I’ve been going to work over the weekend, I find that it helps distract and focus my mind and eases the anxiety. I’d be working away, and someone would knock on the window, smiling at me. Either it’s a local resident who’s seen me around for years or a client. They are bewildered as to why I’m working, but it’s the one thing I have control over.
Watching my dad’s health deteriorate has been the major factor in making me really depressed. Thankfully, although I try and hibernate away from people, some try and help me. One such friend, whom I’ve known for a few years offered to look after me after seeing how thin and tired I was looking. He’s in his sixties and lives in an amazing house in Eaton Square, he has his own driver, cook and housekeeper. I’m very simple and feel uncomfortable when someone does something for me. I get told off for not going to see him often, but I explain it’s because I don’t want to be a burden on friends when I don’t feel like smiling or having a conversation. He got my favourite meals of roast dinner followed by jam roly-poly with custard made especially for me, my face lit up – but he still had to force me to eat all of it. I provide some humour at least, as he laughs at my suggestion of doing the dishes, and he comments on the fact that I open the door to the car before the driver does, because I find it disrespectful for someone to have to open a door for me.
As a former doctor, he tells me that I look anaemic and my eyes are really tired. I sleep about five hours on average, I try and exercise to help relieve the stress and it’s been helping somewhat. He’s really nice and says that he’s rattling around the house with no wife, kids or other family, so I am welcome to come stay and hide there whenever I feel down.
He’s kind of like a father figure, giving me advice, and also lecturing me on how disappearing is immature and selfish on my part, when he couldn’t get hold of me, he was worried something had happened. I apologised as when I’m depressed, I switch off from everything. I then get probed on my love-life, I said that I hadn’t really felt like dating, but at the start of the year I saw a divorced man that I really liked but didn’t want children, then took a break and briefly saw another guy, very generous but his plans were to move abroad so I gathered he was only after something casual, then after some advice from my boys at work who are in their early to mid twenties, advised me that I could easily pass for someone their age (such sweeties) so I should aim for someone younger as apparently there’s something wrong if a man is in their forties and unmarried meaning they have no intention of changing lifestyle – not sure I completely agree with that comment!
After deleting my dating profile, I had the intention of taking a break and letting romance come naturally. Out of the blue, I get a message via my blog from a guy from Denmark. He went to some effort in composing it, and I googled his name and got an idea about him. Obviously it’s a bit of a distance, but he mentioned that if we hit it off in time there was a possibility that he could work from the London office, and so it wouldn’t be an issue. When I wrote a blog on genetically engineering a man, it was like I got my wish answered. He’s 6ft4in, super smart, and does what most men fail to do, keeps his promises, when he says he will call, he does and even if he’s running five minutes late, he’ll text to say so. We Skype and spend about 2hrs chatting nearly everyday, he loves children and is very close to my own age, which I’ve never experienced before. Fingers crossed 🙂
I’m very grateful to have nice people in my life even when I don’t deserve it at times.