Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Archive for January, 2014

My last letter to Dad

Dear Dad,

I hope you like the beautiful flowers that we had made for you, we lit the candle in your memory to start off the New Year.

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You will be happy to know that I’ve made a few resolutions for the forthcoming year. I understand that you wanted more for me, I will try my best to ensure that I live up to your expectations, with a change in path well overdue. The last thoughts you had were about me, and about wanting to see me have a family, no pressure then πŸ™‚ I thought it rather morbid at first when mum bought a plot near to your grave. In fact a few family friends have admitted to having already bought theirs as a couple. To love someone that much you’d want to be with them even when you’re dead, that’s true love, I hope one day to be lucky enough to experience that.

Obviously, my priority is looking after mum. Rest assured, she will be. We made the best of our first Christmas without you, a few arguments, but somehow managed to make up. I will be travelling back soon, I saw a tear in mums eye giving me a pep talk on my last night.

I know she misses you very much, we all do. I wish you were here guiding me now, am a little lost without you. You were the one good thing in my life, I wish I could join you, but I need to be strong and unselfish for the family. I’m hoping that writing this letter helps me cope with the grief, as I’ve never really been good at being open verbally.

I love you wherever you are.

Abida xxx

P.S. You’ll be happy to note that I’ve actually started to pronounce my name correctly as Abda (silent ‘i’). Otherwise no one will ever say it right now that you’re gone.

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More Memories

Abida Newspaper

Abida Newspaper

Tidying up the study, I was surprised to come across an old newspaper article that my dad kept. It’s funny, I didn’t even know I was in the paper, a kind family friend saw it and gave it to my parents. I remember I was the last one to collect my results, I knew I’d smashed my exams, so just rocked up late as I hate fuss,Β and my headmistress at the time, was like Abi everyone was waiting for you to take your picture. Whilst everyone was partying, I went home, called my dad as he was working abroad at the time, he wasn’t surprised at the news, but he did keep the paper nevertheless πŸ™‚

There’s one picture of me, he bought me a special dress to see Santa, I knew he was the care-taker and later pulled his beard πŸ™‚

Me with Santa

Me with Santa

The rest are photos of mum, their wedding and him as a young adult. Really strange seeing your parents when they were young, one day I’ll be old and hopefully with any luck (fingers crossed) my kids will be saying the same thing πŸ™‚

Mum

Mum

Wedding

Wedding

Dad: such a geek, just like me :)

Dad: such a geek, just like me πŸ™‚

Dad Graduation

Dad Graduation