Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Archive for February, 2014

French Connection Wind Jammer Stripe Pencil Skirt

I really want this; a bit different to the normal pencil skirt. Add nude tights (Wolford are the best), court shoes, and a fitted shirt – not a fan of the t-shirt combo as below. Just need the weather to warm up…

French Connection Wind Jammer Stripe Pencil Skirt

French Connection Wind Jammer Stripe Pencil Skirt

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Tesco F&F Limited Edition Fluoro Floral Scuba Dress

I’m still not fully sure if I like scuba fabric, but  the eye-catching floral design of this dress for £25; I think it’s worth giving it a try.

F&F Limited Edition Fluoro Floral Scuba Dress

F&F Limited Edition Fluoro Floral Scuba Dress

F&F Fluoro Scuba Dress Back

F&F Fluoro Scuba Dress Back

* Update: Having purchased the dress (I love the free click and collect service at local Tesco stores) the pattern and shape was as striking as the pictures, however, the scuba fabric was cheap/tacky looking, and be warned even the very slim may need shapewear, this is very figure hugging! Shame though; if it was made in a different fabric, say silk, it would have been perfect.

Future Husband & Family – I am now free to date who I like :)

After my last very dark post, I spoke with my older brother. In Asian culture, the older brother looks after the younger sister, and since dad died, he’s taken to the role of holding the family together amazingly, I’m extremely proud and lucky to be his sister. When we were younger, I used to cook for him and iron his shirts, now the role has reversed. A couple of months ago, he called me up out of the blue asking me to do more with my life, as he wants to see me happy.

There are a few times when he has genuinely touched my heart. A few years ago, I had this new television delivered, and I stupidly attempted to set it up on my own. Without thinking, I tried to lift it up without bending my knees, and I did my back in. It was a comedy moment, me not being able to walk straight. I called up my brother and said that I can’t walk and the tv is still on the floor, so he just drove down with his now wife that very day (it was a three hour journey from him to me), and he set it up, and my sister-in-law gave me some cream for my back. Then when there was trouble with it a while ago, he just called me up and said I’ll buy you a new one and get someone to install it at the same time. The time when I was about to travel back to switch off my dad’s life support, my brother called, I was sobbing uncontrollably and said dad will never be there if I ever get married or have children, and he just calmly said everything is going to be ok, he will be there whenever I needed him.

He’s got the life I want. He’s got a PhD, successful with his own company, a beautiful/kind wife, and created the love of my life, my nephew. He’s a fantastic dad and husband, helps with the housework and putting his son to bed after he comes home from work. Most of the time, he works away quite a bit, so any free time he has, he wants to spend it with his family, or chilling out watching footie/cricket/rugby, and the odd night out with the boys. We do Face-Time a lot, so I can see every little new development of my nephew, seeing my brother’s face just light up at his son, is gorgeous 🙂

When I called him, I said I want that life. I don’t want to marry someone Asian though, I knew dad wanted that, as after his first wife cheated on him (she was English), he felt that if I dated a non-Asian guy, he wouldn’t have the same cultural/strong family-values as me. After speaking to my brother, he said I’d rather you be alive than dead, so just date someone who makes you happy, and if he’s special, introduce him to me, I’ll know if he’s right for my little sister, which was a far less scarier prospect than meeting with my dad if he was still alive.

I’ve only been in love once. It was love at first sight when I met Glen, and the best date I’ve ever been on was with him. It wasn’t some fancy restaurant as that wasn’t his style, he stood holding a bunch of orange flowers (different) and we sat on the grass in Kensington Gardens on a warm summers evening. Once the park closed, we sat on the pavement and started chatting for hours. I think communication is key to knowing whether someone is right for you. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the right time for him as he’d split up with his on off girlfriend, and I decided that although I very much liked him, he should make it work with her, and they eventually got married, and a mutual friend told me that he’s a father. He did break my heart and it took over two and a half years before I looked at another man, so he made an impression on me! However, his friend commented that he thinks it won’t last for him, but I hope he’s happy, I bet he’s a fantastic dad. Then there was Luke, we tried three times, but ultimately him not wanting children wasn’t for me. I appreciated that he was honest from the start. He saw me recently outside the tube station, and he kissed me on the cheeks and said hello. It wasn’t awkward but like seeing an old friend. Next came a guy that was very shy and just stared at me for the first couple of dates. My ex colleague knew him well as he sold him a flat years ago, and told me that he’s a really nice guy. Surprisingly, it turned out he sent my friend an email from the same dating site. He planned another date but I ignored it, then I just told him I wasn’t sure we were well-suited, I didn’t see the need in embarrassing him. He was surprised and tried to call and text me, eventually I told him, and he did apologise, but I wasn’t interested in seeing him again. His excuse was that he thought I was really beautiful, and he felt I was distant. It’s always the quiet ones 😉 The last guy I dated, I originally met in the summer. I thought he was lovely, romantic, generous, but there was this side to him that I didn’t like. He made a comment that I should get a refund from the surgeon for my flat chest. Wow, I was taken aback, and given that my father was dying, just disappeared and didn’t see him again. A few weeks ago, I thought I’d get in touch with him to explain my disappearance. We met and I realised his directness wasn’t for me, he was a little off with the waiter, and he’s typically career focused, there’s no emotion. He’s not looking for anything serious, that was my impression. When I tried to tell him my feelings, he told me I was selfish and ruthless! I seem to have offended him, but I’m sure he wasn’t that interested.

In the interim of not dating when my dad was ill, I received a message from the loveliest guy in the world. Anders contacted me via my blog, he lives in Denmark. When I was going through my depression, he was there, chatting with me on Skype nearly every night. He’d call, text and email. The only guy in my life that has promised to call and delivered, even when he’s running late, he would let me know. We chatted for hours, he’s very close to my age, helps look after his friends children. He wants his own, and is willing to relocate for the right person. When I told him the next relationship I want is something serious, he didn’t even flinch when I said after a year, I’d love to have children. He’s emotionally intelligent, family orientated, intelligent – we shared a screen via Skype and he recalled the periodic table from memory, that was impressive. He also knows someone that knows my old university Danish project supervisor.

I felt guilty making him travel to see me, his life in Denmark is much better than it would be in London. The nicest thing was that he would have been happy to meet with my brother and also my nephew.

Anders has given me hope again, that somewhere out there is a decent guy that won’t cheat, gives me his time & attention, and wants babies. I hope I find him.