Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Shock divorces – The grass isn’t always greener…

From the outside looking in, it appears most people live perfect lives, the truth is that they don’t.

A couple of months ago, I had a random text out of the blue from an old work colleague that left London four years ago. He joined two years after me, and brought his Polish girlfriend from Manchester to London. They’d only been dating a few months. I remember a few years later, he got a special custom made wedding ring to propose to her in front of her family at Christmas time in Poland. He was so nervous it was cute. They married, bought a flat in London, invited me over. Eventually, they sold it, and went back to Manchester and bought a house. Every Christmas we’d keep in touch by sending Xmas cards. 

Last Christmas, I sent a card but got nothing back, which I thought was a little odd, perhaps it got lost in the post. A few months later, he texted to say he always thought I was a lovely girl. I dismissed it as a drunken text. Now it all makes sense, he called last week to say after 8 years together (5 of which married) they have separated, and sold the house. He didn’t really want to go into detail, but I was shocked. The problem I could see was that she was the jealous type, and didn’t like socialising, he was the complete opposite. A man doesn’t like being kept under a tight leash, it gets tiring after a while. 

A mutual friend of my ex thinks his marriage is over. To which I replied, “make sure he comes no way near me. I’m not interested, he broke my heart twice many years ago, he’s not going to make it a hatrick!”

Then my best friend. A beautiful wedding, loving husband, and she’s still unhappy. It’s definitely on the rocks. I told her not to marry him if she wasn’t physically attracted. She went for the nice guy after being cheated on by someone she loved.

Personally, I don’t think looks matter. You fall in love with someone’s character. After all, what’s left when the looks fade in old age? It makes me sad, but not cynical that marriage can’t be long lasting. Hopefully, it’s a sign that those of us that wait later in life to get married are more likely to get it right! Maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I do hope so…


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