Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…


Only when I joined Quora did I become familiar with the term ‘friendzone’.

So my best friend vents that the guy she’s started dating hasn’t texted her in a couple of days. Now, she’s asking the wrong person for advice, as I only initiate contact with people I’m extremely close to. Given I deal with lots of emails, which gives me a headache, I’m more of a talk on the phone person than a texter. 

It’s a man, he’s probably just complacent and doesn’t feel the need to make an effort, it’s his communication style, or perhaps he’s shy. My friend is stunning and bubbly, a combination which can intimidate insecure people.

My advice. Let him do the work. If he likes you, then he will make the effort. Alternatively, if you want to skip playing games, tell him how you feel. Already, I can see she’s frustrated at him. While we’re eating lunch, she gets a text from a good male friend of hers, who offers to cook dinner while he’s working, and she can watch the Secret.

I look at her puzzled. “Em’s, why aren’t you dating this guy?” Her: “We’re just really good friends, have amazing banter, he has a girlfriend but they are on the rocks. He doesn’t like Caucasian women, so I’m not his type. Besides there’s no chemistry between us.”

Me: “You know this guy is boyfriend material. He wants to spend time with you, cook, and let you watch TV. This is what you should expect from the guy you’re dating not from your male friend. He’s nailed how to please a woman.”

Her: “I know but I can’t imagine ever wanting to kiss him.” Me: “Yeah, but when you’re 60, attraction alone isn’t going to sustain the relationship, it’s companionship, that’s the secret to a happy relationship. I think you’re dating the wrong guy!”

Stupid how women ‘friendzone’ a guy based on attraction. Looks fade, personality doesn’t. Perhaps you realise this as you get older, compatibility is everything…


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