Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Quora Question: What age should men begin to think about lowering their standards to find a girlfriend?

Are you right to insinuate that if one hasn’t found themselves in a relationship after a certain time-frame (I’m guessing, you’re thinking 30’s and beyond) they should lower their standards?

I’ve always had a bare minimum standard irrespective of my age. That for me is not accepting a boyfriend that doesn’t respect and share the same values. I’m not suddenly going to allow myself to be treated badly, turn a blind eye to infidelity, just for the sake of having a boyfriend. F*** that! If anything, my self-worth has grown with age. I’d rather be single than with anyone that doesn’t make me happy and vice versa.

Don’t generalise. Some of us occupy a different subset. It’s not that older people fear being alone, so they just take what they can get. In fact, I’d say we don’t lower our standards, but we grow wiser. Over time, we mature, what we considered as important to us in our twenties, in the grand scheme of things, doesn’t matter to us now. For example, you appreciate that whilst chemistry/attraction is important, looks do fade. I don’t know about you, but you can meet people that touch you in a way that’s incomprehensible, that in itself makes them beautiful. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I’d want to be able to converse with them on many levels, to fundamentally like who they are not what they look like. I specifically focus on whether or not they’re of good character (trustworthy, honest), and that they will be potentially around for the long haul (loyalty). The rest I learn to compromise on, because ultimately it shouldn’t matter when you have this.

Age: by the time you reach your 30’s and beyond, you don’t need to seek external validation (you’re selective on whom you date, quality vs quantity). You’ve accepted who you are. Of course, there’s always ways to improve oneself, but overall you realise you’re worth getting to know & have lots to offer. So if people judge, oh that man/woman has gone for someone less attractive because they’re old. Wrong! Perhaps that person isn’t superficial, through life experience they recognise internal qualities that are important beyond the external.

If you’re someone that has a checklist, re-evaluate it, because no one is perfect, you can find that you’re dismissing those potential gems without giving them a chance. Ask the people that know and love you. Do you think I’m unfairly judgemental/fussy when it comes to liking someone? That may be your problem not your age.

My baseline: I never expect more out of a guy than I would of myself…

Kind regards,


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