Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Quora Question: What is the right age to get married?

Although I’m unmarried, I do think most people’s perspective of the ‘ideal’ age to marry would be on average mid-late twenties to early thirties. This is based on having enough time to establish education before marrying, progressing both careers before and during the marriage initially, then being finally ready to start a family there after.

Times have changed, from a woman’s perspective, most of us go to university to study, then we need a couple of years to establish a career. My dad was always of the opinion that a woman should be comfortable being independent before getting married. This is because he was acutely aware that many couples these days do get divorced, in Asian culture there’s still a social stigma in being a divorced woman. In the West, we are more accepting given its commonplace in society. I think my dad was right, a woman should always have a back up plan in case things don’t work out, I’ve seen a number of women that have endured financial difficulties after divorce because they invested in their husbands and children, when that didn’t work out, they had to get back out to the working world but found it hard.

In a perfect world, one wouldn’t put restrictions on the ideal age to marry. Life though is unpredictable, I think it’s sensible to always be prepared that we may face challenges along the way and to plan ahead where possible. That’s why I think it’s important for a couple to both be confident in certain core aspects of their life independently first (emotional stability & career), whilst also dependently sharing the same values – in my opinion this provides a higher chance of long-term success.

That said, people can get married much younger without all that and still be together for the duration of their lifetime, or conversely get married at the ‘ideal’ age and only to find out 20 years down the line they’ve become incompatible, divorce, and then start all over again with new families.

You can get married at any age, but in practical terms (the reason for our perceived ideal age) the real issue is the age constraint placed on women if they want to have children. Damn you Mother Nature 😉

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