Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Quora Question: Do you believe in love at first sight?

I’m a deep thinker and follow my head rather than heart, so my personal answer to this question is a resounding NO!

How on earth can anyone seriously say that after just looking at someone for the first time, they knew it was love?

However, I do believe in attraction/lust at first sight. I’ve only ever experienced this with two guys in my life. What was it like? When our eyes first met, the intense feeling of attraction struck me like a flash of lightening, followed by butterflies in the tummy whenever I thought about them. Did it work out. No. I didn’t love either of them, because they were missing having the sort of personality I was attracted to.

If a guy tells me that he fell in love the first time he saw me, I’d think he needs to get himself out of the time warp that is his fickle teenage mind and grow up 🙂

True love must be grown from the heart, from trust, admiration and kindness. It takes time to cultivate not mere seconds.

Don’t get me wrong. I love romance. If you experience that electric feeling “lust at first sight”, and it develops into a long-term relationship, that relationship has a greater chance of achieving better quality.

As I’ve gotten older, I’m not concerned about whether I will experience “lust at first sight” again. Positive first impressions are great, but that sort of feeling is not profound enough yet for me to know if he’s the one. For me, love is gradual, it’s all about falling in love with personality first, because that’s harder to find. I’ve only ever been in love once. That was with a guy that had severe facial disfigurement. He really got deep inside my heart. Even when you do find it, love alone won’t be enough. At the end of the day, looks/personality/love means absolutely nothing without shared values & outlook (that’s the bit that takes time to figure out); it’s all about long-term compatibility, that is the truth…




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