Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Goodbye Rich X

Dear Rich,

I had a knock on my door this afternoon. I saw Meena with tears running down her cheeks. She told me, that you died last night. I was in shock, still can’t believe it.

I knew you were ill, but you didn’t tell many people how serious your condition was. That’s the sort of person you were, very few got close to you. 

The last time I heard from you was at New Year. You appeared in such good spirits, I genuinely thought you’d be back soon.

When people say ‘life’s short’, you can’t understand this unless you’ve experienced losing people that mean something to you. I count you as one of them. 

Thirteen years ago, you told my mum that everytime I walked passed reception, I’d walk as fast as I could and never acknowledge you. My mum told you to look at me and say hello, because I was an intensely shy person. You took her advice, and I reciprocated. Over time, you slowly brought me out of my shell. Soon short conversations turned into hour long ones.

I saw you more than I would my family. Seeing your face after a long day made me smile. I could tell you anything, even my battle with depression, you never once judged me. I will never forget the kindness you showed me during the dark days of the aftermath of my dad’s death. You knew how insular I was, yet you put a big bunch of flowers and chocolates outside of my door. Not only that, you sent my mum flowers and a card too. That touched me. 

When you were about to finish after a long day, you still stopped me in the corridor and chatted to me for an hour at times. Remember when we joked that you met my dad all those years ago and he reminded you of yours. Both stubborn and socially inept, yet our mothers were extroverts. We often pondered, how can such opposites attract? I still wonder how such different people work as a couple 🙂

When my self-esteem took a battering, after being cheated on, you were there to offer me advice. Telling me to stop hiding, and enjoy life. 

I was privileged to have met you, Rich. You changed me for the better. Pushed me to open up, made me more comfortable chatting to strangers. 

Meena told me that you confessed to her your strong feelings for me a longtime ago. You never told me, but I knew. 

Thank you for your friendship, kindness, support and generosity over the years. Very few people get close to my heart, you did. My mum was also devastated to hear the news.

You were too young to be taken so soon. The world needs more of you not less. 

For you, I’m going to work really hard on myself to be a better person. I promise.

I’m coming to your funeral to pay my final respects, although dreading going through all that again. Why does it hurt so much when people that matter go forever?

P.s. I spent two hours last night downstairs chatting to Sanjay & Anthony, it got really deep involving a discussion on afterlife. Not sure what to believe. I guess you’re the only one that knows the answer…

Goodbye buddy. 

Lots of Love,

Abi xxx

My two favourites. Luiza’s leaving soon, she gave me this pic of you & her as a memento.


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