Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Quora Question: What is the difference between the right guy and true love?My bf has everything that I ever wanted in a man, personality and looks. He respects me a lot yet I don’t feel comfortable enough around him. Why is that? I can’t speak to him openly though he does. Do I not love him even though I know he is the right guy?

Honestly. I think you’re lucky. You have what most of us would love in a partner. Personality, looks, respect and openness. That’s the holy grail 🙂

Why don’t you feel comfortable being yourself with him? Are you scared of true intimacy? Letting yourself go? Letting him get close enough to know your fears and insecurities?

How do you know if it’s true love?

Do you think about him when you’re apart?

How would you feel if he cheated on you?

How would you feel if you never saw him again?

Do you make an effort in the relationship?

Does he make you happy?

Do you make him happy?

Do you want to be with anyone else?

Physical intimacy: is there chemistry, or do you feel like you’re going through the motions?

I don’t know your age, but could you imagine spending the rest of your life with him, and having a family?

Do you want the samethings?

Do you share the same values?

Could you imagine anyone better than him?

Is he more than just a good friend?

Anyone that I let into my life, those are the questions I ask myself.

Benefit of years of being scared to be open, is that I’m now the opposite. If that person wants to ask me any question, I will happily give them a truthful answer. Whether it’s fear of letting him in, or not being in love with him, that’s really only a question you can answer, and not one I would wish to influence in anyway.

I hope you figure out what it is that you want. Think about it carefully though, guys like this, particularly ones that can openly communicate are rare. Give it time before making any rash decision.

I’ll leave you with something to ponder on. Anyone can be with the ‘right guy’, but true love is unconditional. If I met him, he would be someone, I would put before myself. I’d always want the best for him…

Best,

Abi

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