Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

First Tinder Date 

Starting one of my New Year Resolutions off early. I’ve been working too late, so that has to stop in 2017. I will use that time instead to stop being lazy and focus on my dating life.

After spending time with an ex that has just realised his dream of being a dad, it made me really broody. I’m determined to now have a family, no more being single or dating time-wasters. 

So, I join Tinder out of curiosity. A somewhat odd choice given its reputation. However a few weeks prior, I had an evening out with friends. She met her boyfriend on there 18 months ago, whom she is now living with and despite a few hiccups (his family being Indian and not wanting him to marry a non Indian), his family have now welcomed her 🙂

So, a guy “superlikes me” and I’m intrigued. I thought his profile text was funny.


We get on really well:




We meet for drinks, and then everywhere is busy apart from a steakhouse in Gloucester Road.


Now at this point everything is great apart from he tells me he’s divorced with two children. If I’m honest, I’d prefer to meet someone who has none, but he did reassure me he definitely wants more. 

I like very much that we could chat about marriage and children openly like adults rather than it be awkward conversation, and fear of putting him off. 

Not sure where it will go as I’ve put the brakes on for now, as I’m off on holidays soon, but I gather he likes me:

Maybe if you like someone, you have to compromise on certain things, as no one will be perfect. In much the same way, that someone will have to compromise with me. Life’s too short to be wasted being single, and with a biological clock firmly ticking, perhaps 2017 is the year to bite the bullet!

But also expect a more determined, ruthless me. No one is getting in the way of what I want. Waste my time, and you’ll be firmly and sharply shown the door. 

I’ve had to learn a few life lessons over the last few years, one of them is that no one will look out for you apart from you (although my boss has been an amazing friend when I was recently in trouble), the other most important one is that life is too short to waste not being honest and straight talking. Really what is the f***ing point? As a woman it’s important to assert baseline boundaries. This is what the Western concept of love fails at. Personally, the more time I spend on Quora, the more Asian friends I make, and the more I get to like how they’re smart, kind & respectful. They have the right idea on relationships, which I intend to adopt.

With all that knowledge it’s time to stop talking and put into practice 🙂


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