Abida Mian's Blog

An outlier that's living, learning and being myself…

Archive for November, 2013


I always wanted to buy these images off the photographer, but never got around to it, finally did and soo glad as these are the last photos that were taken of dad & I together. That was one of the happiest days for him, he’ll never be at mine…





I love flowers…


The first time I’ve ever received such beautiful flowers. The guys at work choose wisely, they know I love pinks! When I first knew my dad was in a serious condition, I kept my head down and took a few minutes break just to eat during the day, then stayed behind and worked late, including some weekends. I didn’t feel like opening up and burdening anyone, but I would get asked why I was working so hard. I eventually confided in my boss that I knew that the office relies on me, so I wanted to ensure everything was in place when the time came and I had to be with my family. Eventually, when everyone found out they were very supportive. Although, I felt like my world was falling apart, such a kind gesture of them sending me flowers made me smile. I manage to keep smiling and hold it together when I’m around people, but I do miss him terribly. I’m taking a hiatus from blogging, but I hope in time, I will return…

11th of November 2013

This date I will never forget. Finally, the long battle is over, and my dad has passed away. This morning we were awoken twice, we rushed to the hospital first time but he was stable when we got there, then a few hours later we were told to come back as this was it.

The doctor advised that we were prolonging the inevitable. With a heavy heart, we made the hard decision to switch off his life support, they gave him drugs so that he wouldn’t suffer. After they switched off the machine, he gasped for air a few times, then there was silence. I kept hold of his hand throughout, tears streaming down my face. Apparently hearing is the last sense you have, so I told him that I loved him, and he will always be in my heart.

I never loved anyone more than my dad. I won the lottery when I got him. Hard-working, kind, intelligent, determined, stubborn, principled – he was my hero. I will miss you calling me every night, something I took for granted.

One thing I am grateful for are the nurses that looked after my dad, they were exceptional. There was one point when I was very nervous, and Charlene took me by the hand and told me that I was beautiful and strong. Red eyes from all the crying and sleepless nights, she was very kind. She even shaved my dad as we knew that he was a stickler for being well-groomed.

It’s going to be tough without you, rest in peace. xxx

The end is near…

The news that anyone who has a loved one in intensive care dreads to hear. My mum called me early in the morning and calmly said that my dad wasn’t going to make it, the hospital told her late last night that he took a turn for the worse, and that there was nothing more they could do. His lungs can’t function without the support of the machine, and so they will administer morphine whilst they gradually turn it off.

I knew it was coming, but nothing really prepares you for it. Everyone dies right? I text my boss and he called me to say don’t worry about work, but a wave of emotion hit me and I started crying, my hands shaking. I just told him that I felt I let my father down, he’ll never see me get married, have children, that I’m such a selfish person. My boss reassured me that I was the least malicious person he knew, hard-working, and perhaps this will make me approach life differently, for the better.

My brother admitted that dad always loved me the most as his youngest daughter, that I shouldn’t waste time having regrets, but to take this as an opportunity to make him proud by fulfilling those ambitions he had for me. I found it tough having a strict father that had high expectations. I found dating difficult in case he didn’t approve, the strange thing was that my brother said in the end I don’t think it would have mattered whether they were Asian or not, but as long as they made me happy.

Death is imminent. He’s the only person who calls me Abida (everyone else it’s Abi). I’ll never hear his voice asking me whether I’ve eaten and how my day’s been. I guess I took it for granted. Pragmatically, I know it’s his time, and that he will no-longer suffer, he accomplished more in his lifetime than I could ever imagine. From a refugee during the partition to a scholarship to study in the UK, working his way up, encountering racism in the workplace, to being successful in his career. In the end, he was loved very much by friends and family, that’s all that matters. Goodbye, dad xxx

WHO | Belarus: TB disease and deaths decline

Article from WHO:
Aleksandr, a 24-year old Belarusian, learned he had tuberculosis in 2010. His father died from TB and his brother and sister were treated for it and cured. Like his siblings, Aleksandr completed the standard TB drug treatment, but a few months later he fell ill again. This time doctors diagnosed multidrug-resistant TB and he was admitted to the hospital for a second round of treatment. Read on what happened next to Aleksandr: http://www.who.int/features/2013/belarus-tb-reform/en/index.html
My comment:
The doctors did two separate TB tests a few weeks ago when my dad was admitted into intensive care to check whether he had a recurrence, thankfully they both came back negative. He contracted TB as a small child when he was a refugee during the partition of India. He later had a recurrence as an adult when he went through a stressful situation, and was hospitalised for a couple of months. There were no vaccines in my dad’s time, and treatment has improved since then, but his lungs were never the same afterwards. I was pleased to read the full WHO article on TB in Belarus, that standards of care have risen and deaths and new cases have declined; I very much hope that continues. My heart goes out to Aleksandr having lost his father, it seems that he is positive about his second round of treatment, I hope it works.

Stereophonics – We Share the Same Sun (Studio Version)

I love the studio version of this Stereophonics song. Kelly’s vocals remind me of home, he’s got such a beautiful voice.